Kinky Cat Food

Does this mean that your cat is kinky, or that your cat's food is kinky?

Fucking cats. WTF?



Tankard rating: Two glass tankards

The cats of Australia have made their choice - gaarn.

Gay love

There's just so much wrong with Fuckwit #1 giving Fuckwit #2 a medal for 'services rendered', to paraphrase Moe I'm "choking on my own rage here".

I hope that Johnny had the common decency to give Bush a reacharound.



Tankard rating: Six 'sealed with a kiss' Presidential Seal tankards

What a pair of cunts. Garrn.

Samir Abu Hamza

Oh dear, this blog seems to be turning into a right-wing beardo-arab-hating corner of Western imperial decadence... One could be accused of being a tad racist/xenophobic/beardophobic - but if the first person accusing me of racism can prove that they have never been racist, I'll take it on board. Let me tell you a story...

Back in the 70's when a young Captain was growing up in suburban Kogarah, a new family moved in across the road. They seemed a bit strange at first, but before too long my brother and I were good friends with Samir, his two sisters and their mum and dad. We'd spend many years back and forth at each other's houses, riding bikes and trying to clock Donkey Kong on the C64. As we got to know their parents better they told us about the civil war in Lebanon and how they ended up being refugees, how the Australian government had allowed them citizenship in this great country, sponsored their housing, sending their children to school and had even helped the father get a job at a car parts factory in the area (he had worked for Mercedes back home).

Neither me, my brother or my family gave a fuck if they were of the Muslim faith. Not that we really would have understood what that meant anyway. They were just like any other family, doing their best with what they had. Sure, they seemed to have lots of loud arguments which at the time were due to the parents' strictness over the daughter's activities - but to us reserved Anglo types this just appeared to be some level of drama queenedness which at the time seemed kind of endearing. They carried on like a pork chop sometimes, but we would laugh at it like it was some sort of pantomime for the benefit of our entertainment. They were silly, harmless.

This has stayed with me and remained my default setting in opinion for Lebanese people I have known directly.

So yesterday, call me cynical, but just in time for Australia Day, the meedja releases some 2003 footage of another 'self styled' cleric preaching to a clearly enlightened audience of fashionably attired fuckwits that it's ok to hit your wife, and that demanding sex from her is not rape, even if she wants nothing to do with your smelly beard.

Let's face it, rape is committed by people of all races. It's just that when it comes to pack rape in Australia it seems that the Lebanese community has the market cornered. Why is this so? If it's a case of the easily led being led by stoneage thinking fuckwits like this cleric, it's time they were removed from this country and the generous welfare that it provides to him, his Islamic Centre, and his family. Why should law abiding taxpayers foot the bill for so many of these ungrateful assholes who openly criticize our way of life? You know, the way of life which provides for you while you sit on your arse and coerse others to come to hate the people who gave you refuge from your shitty homeland. Western eyes look upon you and see you for the insecure unenlightened and scared children that you really are.

My thoughts go out to the repressed and abused Muslim women who suffer these assholes every day and have no chance to express themselves.

Tankard rating: One atomic tankard

Pull your heads in or fuck off home. They probably didn't like you there either. Gaaaaaarn.

Stupid people

If you're going to go all hatey on another religion, for fuck's sake put a little thought into it. You smelly fucking inbred beardo.

Tankard rating: Four non-alcoholic beardo-seeking tankards.

Durka fucking durka.

Boy George

Will those lonely and hairy men in C Block "want to hurt him"? I'd say so. He should have got 18 months back in the eighties for inflicting Culture Club upon the world. What a cunt.


Glass rating: Ten items of mixed glassware.

Then make the big poove pick up the mess afterwards too.

People who get too close to glaciers

There's a bit of a stink in NZ about a car rental company requesting $1600 from the family of the two dead fuckwits who thought climbing past a safety rope on Fox Glacier and being killed by falling ice and rocks was a good idea. Turns out the boys had the only set of keys for the rental car... and so it had to be towed back to town and rekeyed.

Why should the rental company be liable for the cost? You can bet the funeral director is getting paid.

They're only NZ dollars anyway - cheap!

Tankard rating: Three tankards of Hahn Ice

No safety ropes required - Garn.

Cow abducting aliens

They're driving up the price of my Angry Whopper.

Stop it you damn aliens - money's tight down here at the mo.


Tankard rating: Three Star Trek tankards

and a Captain's log. Gnnaaarrrrr!

White folks with cornrows

Honestly, hasn't hiphop culture infiltrated whitebread America/Australia enough already?

P.S. The Hilltop Hoods can go and get fucked.


Tankard rating: Four steel tankards that need serious conversion into pimp cups. Stat.

Gaaarn.

Donatella Versace

Wikipedia has her birth year down as 1955 which makes her 53. I suppose this is because they can't put her age down as being 'beef jerky'. I'm so glad I'm not this fashionable.


Tankard rating: Five 'Sun-lover' Leather Tankards

Slip Slop Slap kids, don't forget ok? Gnaaar!

Middle Eastern conflicts

Quite why these bearded smelly fuckwits have been fighting over the same patch of bombed-out shithole for the past two thousand years is beyond me. Get over it people - put the guns down and go buy some shaving cream/deodorant. Should make for a much better place to live for everybody, even in Lakemba.

Tankard rating: One atomic beard-seeking tankard.

Durka durka gaaaaarn.