Johanna Griggs

Annoying as all fuck. When Mrs Poopey switches over to 'Better Homes & Gardens' tonight (sigh), I'll retire to the kitchen and start building a scale model of Devil's Tower out of mashed potato. Just to avoid seeing this scary bitch. For someone with 'chronic fatigue' (yuh) she seems to be all over Channel 7, all the time. No wonder Gary Sweet divorced it.

Glass rating: Four home improvement tankards

Let's see you decopage these motherfucker. Gaarn!!

NRMA's Unworry Campaign

As if the decline in literacy standards wasn't bad enough amongst Generation Y(bother), now corporate fatcats like the NRMA are making it appear acceptable to advertise their shit using made up words. What a bunch of stupid cunts. I'm surprised the ad wasn't spelt in SMS shorthand OMG WTF LLOZZZ!!

Glass rating: One uninsured truckload of glass

Let's see you unglass that lot! Gaaarn.

Xbox Gamer Points

I've become a Gamerpoints whore. There, I've said it. Is that the first step towards overcoming this sad addiction? Probably not.

Sure, I keep telling myself that they're not actually good for anything in the real world; and I don't have a group of fellow Xbox playing friends I could use the accumulating points as bragging rights for anyway. But there I am, always coming back to play that impossible level or running over those 100 zombies just to hear that sweet, sweet 'dooop' sound when I've made the machine happy with my efforts.

Sunshine? Exercise?? Pah! I need more points!! God damn you Micro$oft. Actually, that's like suing McDonalds because you ate 40,000 burgers and got fat. God damn you obsessive compulsive addictive personality!

Glass rating: Four 'New Glassing Experience' Tankards

Acheivement Unlocked: Self Loathing Glassing

Pink

Shut the fuck up! Aaaaaaaargh!!

Tankard rating: One atomic tankard

She just really shits me.

Pamela Anderson's Ugly Sister

At what point would you consider this a good idea?


Glass rating: Two bottles of Boobie Beer

and an improvised flotation device.

Eddy Groves

It must take some bitchin' skillz to put a billion dollar child centre business into receivership during the midst of Australia's current baby boom. What's the answer? Simple really: turn the ABC Centres into Nike sweatshops and keep those little fingers busy gluing shoes together! Mum can keep dumping baby off to go pay the crippling mortgage on the McMansion, and Eddy can keep all those Ferraris! It's win/win. Captain Poopey should be the new Minister for Industrial Development (or something). In your face Gillard! Gaarn.


Tankard rating: Five leather tankards upholstered in Ferrari camel interior offcuts. Mmm, feels good on the buttocks.

Home & Away Fan Blogs

Rachel has gone to a great deal of trouble to piece together a map of Home & Away's Summer Bay area. Note to Rachel: It's not actually a real place sweety, and grown-ups might describe it as fik-shin-ul. Hope you understand phonetics, um, fo-net-iks. Why isn't the word phonetic spelt phonetically? Fuckity fuck fuck.

Check out her blog by clicking here. Don't forget to play the Summer Bay Game ok?

Tankard rating: Three tankards (Alf's emptied two)

How the fuck is this shit still on air?

Any Movie by Baz Luhrmann

Take your pick, they're all fucking gay. I'm not going to see his new one no matter how much Mrs Poopey begs me. So nerrrr!

P.S. Give Hoges his tourism promotion job back.

Tankard rating: Four oversung, overchoreographed, overblown and overtly poofey cinematic tankards.