Greg Bird

For obvious reasons, obviously.


Glass rating: One "can't we forget about this sweetheart?"

crystal flower arrangement.

Volkswagen

Mrs Poopey and I had a fun weekend away, and I decided to take over driving duties so that we made it to where we were going in one piece. Ten minutes from home, Mrs Poopey decided it might be fun to while away the hours with a game of 'Punch Buggy'. However, in this day and age, the old Beetles (as pictured above) are fairly thin on the ground. So to make things more interesting (to my chagrin as it turns out) I agreed that we'd have to change the rules a little.

The new punch rules :

Golf / Transporter / New Beetle / Polo = 1 punch

GTi Golf = 2 punches (her uppity sister owns one so the extra punch is for the wank factor)

Original Beetle / Original Kombi = 3 punches (don't drive anywhere near Nimbin)

As the weekend wore on Mrs Poopey spotted a Jetta (?) and a fucking Passat in a carpark we were wandering through and promptly added those to the list for a single punch each. Then on the drive home she decided that Porches should qualify...

It's now Wednesday and my left leg still fucking hurts. Fuck you Volkswagen.



Tankard Rating: Four 'Hitlers Revenge' Tankards

The Little Book Of Calm

- Watch Your Head -

"Most stress and anxiety is the result of what happens inside your head, rather than what happens to your body. Take comfort in the fact that most things which take place in your thoughts never eventuate."

Guess what I'm thinking about Mr Wilson? Tish tishy tish!!!

Tankard Rating: Three Pacifying Tankards

Gaarn!

The Veronicas

Annoyingly ubiquitous.

Poopey has a conniption when he hears their dual vocal whinings, which seems to be a lot of the time. I wish I had an assassination robot to do my bidding... Don't get me started on the whole fake lesbian thing either, grrrrrrr.


Tankard Rating: Four Aria Tankards and a dental dam.

These things are as piercing as their voices. Gaaarn.

Asian Drivers

"Look, it's something really large and obvious - try not to hit it Mr Wong.."







With driver training reduced to the standard shown above it's no wonder I was nearly killed this morning. If the frucking cunt didn't have two hundred fluffy toys blu-tacked to his frucking dashboard/parcel shelf and he'd been able to glimpse his mirrors from between the steering wheel/dashboard I would have had a better chance when he hit the hyperdrive button in his shitbox Celica and cut across three lanes with his frucking gay blow-off valve. Cunt.

And while we're on the topic, WTF is it with Mr Wong and Number One Son in the front seat, and Mrs Wong relegated to the back seat? Is this a centuries old Chinese tradition from horse and cart days or what? I bet they couldn't drive those properly either. Gaaaaaaaaarn.


Tankard Rating: One People's Army Atomic Tankard

Open your eyes ya cunts! Oh, I see...

Kate Ritchie's Boobs

Before: See 'happy Poopey'


















After: See 'sad Poopey'









That 'Australian Story' puff piece should have been a harder hitting 'what happened to Kate's awesome boobies' investigative report. I'm calling Today Tonight.

Tankard Rating: Two MIA Glass Jugs

(did you see what I did there? Gaaarn)

Bob Geldof

Fed Africa yet Bob? Thought not. Tell me why I don't like pious Irish rock stars.

P.S. I'm sure everyone who's donated wouldn't mind if you dipped into the funds and bought a couple of cakes of soap. Just sayin' s'all.


Tankard Rating: Five Leather Tankards

filled with token Hollywood actor/rock star concern.

Libby Trickett's Head

Cripes, just shut it please. Please? Thanks.

Tankard Rating: Four Wide Mouth Frog Tankards

Gnaarrrn.

Team U.S.A. Training Techniques

Of fucking course they'll run faster than everyone else. U.S. & A! U.S. & A!!

Tankard Rating: Three KKK Tankards

Gnnnaaarrr.

The Beijing Weather

<- Not pictured, one Birds Nest










Honestly, how did these cunts get the fucking Alympics?

And if I hear one more commentator pronounce it as 'the Alympics' I'm gonna run around in small circles screaming "It's spelt with a fucking Oh you cunts - it's a fucking Oh!!!"

Thanks for that kids. Poopey out.


Tankard Rating: One Atomic Tankard

Should clear away any smog nicely. Gaaaaarn!

This dude on Google Street View

I'll be the first to admit that I was amazed when I first saw this technology earlier this week, naturally looking up Casa Del Poopey was the thing to do. Mrs Poopey was somewhat less enthusiastic about the whole thing - she works in mental health and the first thing she said to me was about the site was "what a great way for stalkers to case potential targets". Which hadn't occurred to me cause I don't stalk people. Except hot Channel 10 news anchors. I won't do it again Sandra, promise.

Anyway, kudos to the dude in the above photo who's either lost his keys, or, um, isn't supposed to have keys to that particular stronghold. Well done son.

Tankard Rating: Four Amateur Locksmith Tankards

Keepin' it real.

Those ads for Shannons

I love Top Gear. But having SBS cut the episodes down to fit in five ad breaks shits me no end. Especially when they're those fucking Shannons Insurance commercials. If Mr. "G-O-GG-O" crapping on about his Dart, or that lucky cunt who bought his Phase III when it was worth less than a million dollars wasn't bad enough, you get that smarmy Italian cock jockey dago speaking sexually about his Ducati; read this to yourself in a large testicled Lothario voice:

"I love the way she feels between my legs. She has no red line on the tacho, you just feeeeeeel when you must change gear. Would you like to come up and see my etchings?"

Then at the end you get the dude who looks like he's running the whole insurance company out of his spare room. WTF? I'll stick with AAMI, she looks quite rootable thank you very much.


Tankard Rating: Four Pot Screamer Tankards.

G-A-RR-N.