Merry Christmas from Captain Poopey

I've put some shiny dingles on the nearest palm frond! Garrn!

To all of the usual suspects hanging around this obscure blog, thanks for all the good times amd have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Here's to all the knob-jockeys we'll be piffing tankards at in 2008. See you then.

Regional Television

If you're heading out of town for the Christmas break, don't forget to take some time and enjoy the excellent production values of the regional tv stations. I always look forward to this time of year, just for the multiple ad breaks trying to flog me chafing cream, large colourbond steel sheds and chainsaw / earthmoving equipment. Yeeeeee-haaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!


Tankard Rating: One Wooden Tankard of Billy-Bob's Finest Moonshine.

Gaaaarn!

Nicholas Cage

Fuck you shit me.

BTW, nice plugs man.

Tankard Rating: Four Glass-bottomed Steel Tankards.

I hope that they successfully take your 'Face-Off'. Ha-harrrrrr!!

Duane 'Dog' Chapman

If only for that bitchin' mullet, which would probably a good place to start...

Tankard Rating: Three 'Down Home' Tankards

and an 'N' bomb. Ya can't do that on television dawg!

Poopey's 'Cut Out N Keep' Poster

Right-click. Save. Enjoy!

People Bringing Me Their Urgent Shit Three Days Before My Holidays

Go and get fucked.


Tankard Rating: Six Steel Tankards

with a bonus 'Stop Being A Cunt' poster.

Cunts - Gaaaar.

Chrisco Hampers

Why would you go to all the trouble of sending weekly payments for a whole year to some company that sends you a box of groceries in December?? (and don't the kids look stoked that they're getting frozen wedges for Xmas?)

I don't fucking get it - just go shopping and buy stuff to eat the week before Christmas you weird bastards. Actually, if you're too retarded to put aside that money each week in a shoebox at home then how the fuck would you be organised enough to send it off to Chrisco? WTF man.

Don't get me started on the Chrisco Lady either - aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!


Tankard Rating: Four Glass Tankards in 52 easy weekly instalments.

The Dude that Farted Upwind on the Escalator Yesterday

The time: yesterday. The place: fucking Westfields. The crime: fat bastard four steps up from us drops his guts and nasally rapes everyone traveling upwards from below... That was NOT COOL you stinky bastard! No more McNuggets for you!!

He may have been a fan of this website.



Tankard Rating: One 'Bowels of Hell' Brown Tankard

Leopard Skin Underwear

I bet the dude on the right was bitterly disappointed he didn't get the lead role on 'Prison Break'.



Tankard Rating: Four Tudor Tankards and a gimp leash.

People Meandering All Over the Footpath

Call me a conformist, but for fuck's sake there's nothing that would make walking to work easier than people keeping to the left side of the fucking footpath so I didn't have to recalculate my trajectory and approach speed every two seconds. This goes for all you Christmas shoppers too - get the fuck outta my way!!! Goodwill to all men my arse.


Tankard Rating: Four Steel Tankards Fashioned From Recycled Keep Left Signs.

Gnaaaarrr!

1970's Terry Towelling

Terry towelling crushed velvet velour clobber was thankfully left back in the 70's (mostly). I seem to recall having some pyjamas made out of this stuff, and zapping the fuck out of my little brother during winter from all the static electricity it charged up. Happy times!

Wonder if you can still get this shit at Lowes? Hmmmm... looks the goods doesn't it ladies?



Tankard Rating: One Tankard of KB

Cricket That Doesn't Utilise Hot Chicks in Body Paint

See? Even the umpire is 'stumped' over this one. There's just not going to be enough of this going on this summer, which is a great shame. I'd be watching a lot more cricket, that's for sure.

Gaaarn.


Boonie Rating: One Modded Talking Boonie

" Today's codeword is 'Bouncy-Bouncy' "

Marcus Einfeld

What a fucking idiot. If you'd just copped the $77 fine and lost some points you'd still have a few shreds of dignity left.

You're not above the law mate. Do not judge ye lest ye be judged, or something like that. Mua ha ha!


Tankard Rating: Four Glass Tankards
and a mystery woman called 'Carlotta'

The RocKwiz Plebian Panel Guests Who Guess The Incredibly Obscure Musical Guest

90% of the time, at least, the lucky audience members that are picked to play on RocKwiz somehow correctly guess the name of the most obscure musicians that are coerced into appearing on this otherwise good show. I call bullshit - this week was the guy from The Ferrets (?) and Stephanie Dosen (??). Cool guests but the chances of anyone actually guessing correctly would be normally very slim. They must have slipped them their names surely?

For the record, I would hit Julia Zemiro.



Glass rating: One Bottle Of Rock'n'Roll Mouthwash

Gaarn.

Good Charlottes' Children

As if having to emerge from Nicole Richie's vagina wasn't bad enough, not to mention the cocaine withdrawls... and the talentless retarded parents. It's best if we don't let these useless cunts reproduce, surely? I could go on, but won't.




Tankard Rating: One Wooden Beer Tankard and a packet of Kimbies.

Derryn Hinch

After all these years you're presented with a perfect opportunity to snot John Laws.

And chose not to. Shame Derryn, shame.

Tankard Rating: Three Glass Tankards (from my very good friends at Toyota -

Toyota - Oh What A Feeling. Toyota. Is that enough Toyotas?)

Superhero Fetish Porn

Wrong. Just plain wrong.


Tankard Rating: Six 'Magneto' Steel Tankards

James Hardie Industries

Imagine working for a company that not only knew the hazards involved with humans coming into contact with it's products, not informing it's employees of the same, then using every legal avenue avaliable to avoid paying compensation to the unlucky bastards dying a slow painful death as a result of years of toil helping that company make it's profits. The most criminal thing is that alarm bells had been ringing about asbestos since 1933. What men will do to each other for the pursuit of money - management in this case were (and still are) a bunch of cunts.

Vale Bernie Banton - you had the guts to stick up for your mates and stick it to these arseholes.


Tankard Rating: One Atomic Tankard

United Airlines Aircraft

Drab? I think so. Living a jet-set lifestyle and looking this drab can't be much fun. They should get those queer-eye boys in and give these poor planes a glamourous makeover. Yay!


Tankard Rating: Two Duty-free Glass Tankards